HANG UP AND DRIVE!!!!!

There's a couple of caveats to this post - it will contain some strong language. Be warned, and make sure to hide the kiddies in another room. I'm also going to be talking negatively about cell phones, so if you hate that sort of thing you should probably go somewhere else. That being said, on with the post...

It's taken me about a week to calm down enough to write about this incident without wanting to track down the fucktard and beat him to death with his shiny phone. That's the basic story, but here's what happened:
Last week, I had taken a day off of work to spend some time with the wife. We were returning home, having been out and about running errands. As we traveled down the road to home we were nearly t-boned by an asshole in a truck who ran through a stop sign while chatting away on his phone. He didn't even realize it until I screeched to a halt while laying on the horn, and even then we got a glazed "duuuuuhhhhhh...." look from him while he continued to talk on the fucking phone. I wanted to follow the bastard; grab the phone from him and punch him repeatedly in the face and crotch while screaming, "you monkey-fucking troglodyte!!!! Did you see what you just did?!?!?!?" Thankfully, my wife was calmer than me and talked me out of pursuing that course of action. Besides, we didn't have bail money.

Now, some of you are probably thinking, "wow, that's a little harsh." It might be, if not for another incident that happened a couple of days prior. I was biking home from work, following the traffic laws, and proceeding through a stoplight where I had the green (Remember that: I had the green. It'll be important later). Without warning, a car - driven by what I'll kindly refer to as a "human female" - ran through the red light and nearly ran over me. At the speed she was going, she damn near would have killed me. Thankfully, I managed to maneuver the bike out of the way and only ended up with a warped tire and a strained knee. As this..."woman"...passed by, I distinctly remember seeing the look on her face; one of "OMFG!" Interestingly enough, she didn't pull the fucking phone away from her ear, nor did she have the common courtesy to stop and see if everyone was all right.

This isn't isolated to those two incidents, or to cars, either. I've nearly been run over - and run into - by people talking on phones while attempting to drive/push carts/walk/breathe/etc.

So, to those of you who say I'm being a little harsh: fuck you. I'm sick and tired of being run into or nearly being run over by half-witted pissburping fucktards who can't do two things at once. How about a little common sense and etiquette? I don't like having to continually watch everyone with a cell phone to see if they're going to do something stupid. I'd like to be able to walk through the grocery store without someone ramming a cart into my shins, mumbling an insincere apology, then wobbling off - all without interrupting their call. I'd love to be able to bike home without wondering which jackass is going to try to run me over because they can't pull over to the side to take that call.

If you really need that cell phone, fine. But use it with caution, dimwit. You're not the only person on the planet. It's high time you stopped acting like it.