AAAARRRRGHH!

To everyone who has ever asked me, "what's it like being a graphic designer for a car dealership?" - the answer is: FRUSTRATING.

Here's everything you need to know: take all of your knowledge of colour theory, typography and composition and throw it away. Take every font in your library and get rid of them, except for Arial and Times New Roman; you won't be using them (trust me, 90% of my font library is growing cobwebs). Forget Pantone colours; you'll only need to add more red or more yellow.

Remember white space? That space - both positive and negative - that you were taught to use to give the viewer's eye a place to rest; as a way to focus the viewer's attention; to create visual interest? That space? You won't be needing it. Instead, you'll learn how to fit bloviated text chock-full of industry buzzwords into tiny spaces. And no, nothing can be cut to make room.

Oh, and the logo always needs to be bigger.

To answer the other question on your mind, yes, I have tried to discuss design with my boss. I've tried countless times to explain why having blank space on a legal-sized mailer is not a bad thing, and shouldn't be cluttered with more stuff; why I can't just pull an image off of the website to put in an ad; why DPI is important; why vector is better than raster; why there are better fonts than just Arial; why yellow isn't necessarily a good colour to use to attract attention. Everything falls on deaf ears.

When I first started, I made every effort to bring new ideas and fresh designs to the plethora of monthly collaterals that I generated; I tried every style I could think of, from Deco to Bauhaus to modern to contemporary. Now, I really don't care. I've all but given up after a year of having every design shot down in favour of a generic product that a rabid howler monkey using GIMP could create while masturbating. I know everything my boss is looking for: a logo that's at least one-third of the entire piece, yellow used somewhere, and a standard sans-serif font (Arial, mostly) varied only in the sense of bold and italic. Everything else is either "too small" or "too hard to read".

In the year that I've worked here, I have ONE piece that I'm reasonably pleased with, despite it being heavily edited.

Everything else? Not good design. Too cluttered and clunky; too heavily edited; no form; skewed text forms. But, it's what the client wanted - so it succeeds, I guess - but it's nothing I'd want to show potential clients.

So, I'm looking to move on. Will other places be perfect? No. Will they be better? Yes, because I'm looking for something with an actual creative department; a department that has a manager who knows what the hell I'm talking about when I bring up typography or kerning or tracking; someone who doesn't look at me like a deer in the headlights when I try to explain a basic compositional element.

Until then, I'll be making the logo bigger. And possibly yellow.

WTF PETA?!??!?

This, I think, is taking animal rights advocacy a touch too far.

Their initial message was wonderful: protect animals from abuse, and prosecute those who abuse animals. Sadly, this message has been lost in the jumble of theatrical stunts and gore-filled videos. More often than not, PETA is viewed as a sideshow amusement. People point and laugh when they see naked women in cages painted as cats; they grimace and turn away in horror at a video of abuse in a slaughterhouse. Most recently PETA has advocated replacing cow milk in ice cream with human breast milk, and have also publicly stated that no one should own pets; that all animals should be free.

There's a thin line between activism and extremism, and PETA obliterated that line ages ago. Now, they're a laughingstock; a group who provides brief entertainment with extreme demonstrations before fading back into obscurity for several months.

This is coming from someone who has higher regard for animals than for humans. I'm ecstatic that there is a group out there that feels the same way, yet also horrified that it's PETA. Seriously, let all animals roam free? I think my two neutered, front-declawed cats would have an issue with that. They've come to rely on The Wife™ and I for food, water, shelter, and safety. I seriously doubt that they'd be able to survive outside, nor would I subject them to that. They're safe and happy right where they are, and seem to be rather fond of us. We don't "own" them; they're part of our family and would be deeply missed if they weren't there. Replace cow milk with human breast milk? Did they consider the ethical and biological ramifications of this statement before they sent the press release?

PETA needs to gain back some credibility; convince the public that they're not the lunatic fringe they appear to be. The question is how. Not that they'll listen to a guy on a blog with a handful of readers, but here's a few suggestions:

• Step back a bit. It's fine to think outside the box, but keep the box in sight.


• See the other side's point of view, and work from there.


• Tone down the theatrics, and present your message clearly and coherently.

Perhaps if they do that instead of locking naked cat-women in cages they'll start to attract people who are genuinely interested in the cause.

Maybe then they'll start making a difference.

Change is Coming...

Barack Obama is the 44th President of the United States.

This election was historic as Obama is the first African (Kenyan?) - American to be elected President. It's also worth noting that this election had the largest voter turnout in history - over a million and a half voters turned out. This is worth noting not only because of the incredible turnout, but also for who turned out: record numbers of blacks, hispanics, and latinos voted in this election.

We're finally able to see the end of the Bush regime, a theocracy that brought us to the brink of economic ruin, a near-dictatorship that favoured massive tax breaks for corporations, and looked the other way while jobs went overseas and drove the middle class further downward. This is also the regime that famously stated "you're with us or against us", creating a surreal "Big Brother" atmosphere of fearful omnipresence - "there's terrorists everywhere, and we're watching you to make sure you're not one of them". The past eight years have brought us to the brink of economic collapse, perhaps placing us a half-step away from the next great depression, while turning us into the laughingstock of the world community.

It's important to remember where we've been so we can see where we should be going. The question now facing us is this: can he do it?

If I didn't think he could, I wouldn't have voted for him. I know that we would have been worse off with McCain and Caribou Barbie in office. It would've been a continuation of the downward spiral we're currently in.

Obama has inherited a massive shit sandwich: a failing economy and two wars piled high with mortgage meltdowns, served with a side of unrealistic expectations. There's already talk of him being a complete failure; of not accomplishing anything during his term.

To these bloggers, pundits, analysts, and especially you, Rush Limbaugh, I say: SHUT. UP.

He's still the President-Elect, not the President. He's working with his transition team, but we won't really see any changes until after he takes office in January. Give him a chance, for chrissake. Give him an honest chance to succeed; a chance to stumble; to fall; to pick himself back up again.

Obama gave hope to millions of people during his campaign; millions who believe that he can turn America around; millions who believe that his ideas can gain America some respect again.

Shouldn't we have that same faith and hope in him now?

ATTN: America

GO VOTE

Seriously.
Go now.
Post your voting experience in the comments when you come back.