Has it been that long?

Today marks the third full week that I've been unemployed. Three weeks since I was laid off.

I wish I could say that I've been treating this like a vacation; that I've been doing nothing but wasting away on the couch, eating bon-bons and watching soap operas. I wish I could say that, but I can't. Instead, these past three weeks have been filled with frantic job searches and sending of resumes; hundreds of sent applications and phone calls; hearing "we're reviewing applications and will call you" too many times to count.

You know what I've heard once?
"I understand."

Everyone is quick to say "that sucks" or "I'll keep an eye out"; quick to pull up job postings and suggest career fairs to attend. I'm incredibly grateful to everyone who has been helping me, but I'm finding I need something even more than help. I need someone to understand.

For over a year, I had a job that kept bills paid, food in the fridge and a roof over our heads. Now that's gone, replaced with fear, despair and the constant worry of where to go when we can't afford the apartment anymore. I have no appetite; living mostly off of coffee - which I need as sleep is non-existent. When I do manage to doze off, I awake in a blind panic, gripped in a panic attack; unable to breathe. I'm so fearful of what the future holds that I black it out of my thoughts, instead focusing on that next application; that next resume submission.

With millions of people going through the same thing, I shouldn't feel as alone as I do. Until things change, I can only keep submitting resumes; keep calling; keep applying - because there's really nothing else I can do.